Boy or Girl?

Tomorrow is the big day. It really does seem like a big day, something I have looked forward to since week 9, my next meeting with our baby. All three of us go tomorrow at 10am for the 20 week ultrasound. I thought it would be fun to take Alyssa and see her reaction. Plus she will love seeing the baby. She gives him/her hugs and kisses and says "I love you baby." Okay -- so I told her one night at bedtime, "tell the baby you love him too," but she does it on her own now. She gives the baby stickers when she is passing them around, one for me and one for my belly. She is just so cute, I thought she can only make this day better.

So, what do we want? You may not ask, but everyone thinks it. Alyssa said for the longest time, I want it to be a girl, like us. "What if it is a boy?", I ask. Not even an option, "I want a sister." But within the last week, she has now flipped to "it's a boy." So much for her being my fortune teller. Bottom-line I think she will be happy either way. Me? I am truly mixed. I would love to have another little girl. Girl is all I know, and I love it. And we don't have any sisters or many girls around here, so that would be fun to watch... for a few years anyway. But of course, I want to experience the joys of a boy. And I want Ethan to share that bond. I want to have a boy to get back a little of what I missed with Noah, but I don't want a boy, so that nothing ever comes close to replacing him. These are all good things. It means I can find the joy in either sex. And I am anxious to see where my joy will come from.